I was a child when we first discovered that I would swap my numbers. Meanwhile, I begin to develop a severe math phobia. However, I loved science. Unfortunately, this was the era of educational division between humanities/language arts and logical thinkers, so I was shoved down a path opposite of the sciences and I willingly accepted. I was far too afraid to step out into a field that I thought I had no talent in, one in which I might look stupid, one in which I would surely fail and be unsuccessful.
At seventeen, I left high school ready to major in history, with a secret paralyzing fear of all numbers.Within the first year of college, I dropped out. I was miserable and starting to fail classes. I was running away from what the Lord had intended for me and was not even remotely willing to listen to His voice, although I was still His child. In my mind, this was something I would handle; I would be in charge of my own destiny and it did not include math or science or anything “hard.” I often wonder if God chuckles, snickers, or just outright guffaws at our silly pride, but at the time I heard no laughter, just my own panicked whispers in my head that I could not do it.God eventually brought me back to higher education, but I still hated math. Maybe I could just squeak by, I could just cheat the system by simply learning it long enough to pass. The trouble with trying to cheat God in His plans though, is that we cannot pull the wool over His eyes. The truth was that I still held the tug of rope in my hands, ready to snatch back at any moment I felt God was pulling a tad too hard. This silly immaturity continued until I was accepted into my PhD program, but by then, I could no longer hope to just get by with math.
When I attended my first doctorate statistics class, I carried some trepidation, but I was determined to honor the Lord this time. I would sit and truly listen, truly try to understand, and I would trust in the Lord’s goodness that I was here on His orders, not mine this time, so He would not let me down. I was now willing to let the Lord be in charge, so I would truly try to learn what He wanted me to. I faced the equations on the board like a wild west showdown. Would I be quicker on the draw? Or would they shoot first? As a few weeks went by, a funny thing happened. The numbers were no longer an enemy. When the fear lost its power, I found myself humbled by their beauty. My creator had left no stone unturned in His perfect ordering of the natural world. Sometimes I did not always fully grasp the logic behind every single operation, but if I could grasp some of the others, and they always came out the same, then there could be trust in the ones I did not understand. Much as I had learned to now trust Yahweh with things throughout my life, I could trust Him in the other areas that I could not see. Did you know that nearly all of nature screams out mathematically? The order and shape of a beehive is a perfect geometric hexagon. Perfect concentric circles are found in onion layers, tree rings and spider webs. There is perfect symmetry found in numerous organisms and even within in the rocks and in space. Equations are even used to map our genetic diversity, the very tiniest parts of our bodies that make us who we are. In Luke 19:40, Jesus stated that even if people keep silent in their worship for the creator, the very stones will cry out!
The natural world testifies to our Lord more often than we do. It cannot deny His existence, while humans, God’s most loved and precious creation, will deny His guidance or sometimes we deny that He is even there. When I truly yielded to the Lord, surrendered my fears unto Him, gave up my plans for His own, I became the Proverbs woman who is clothed with strength, and can laugh without fear of the future. He has a plan for every one of us and it is always one that is wrapped in love, peace and goodness. Stop fighting with your maker and surrender your future to Him.
Then you will live out Psalm 34:8 – “Taste and see that the Lord is good! Oh, the joys of
those who take refuge in Him!”